The End of Mat Leave

“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us.” – Ashley Montagu

And so, the end is near. It’s my last few days of maternity leave. Sometimes, life relaxes its hold on time and lets you exist in the moment, neglecting its typical determination to be fleeting. I’ve historically struggled to recognize these snippets of time or give myself permission to sink into them. Having a baby is a charming way to force this process. While the demands to care for a baby are intense and, at times, chaotic, the pace is calm and intentional. Going into my leave, naive and terrifyingly optimistic, I had no idea how much I would need the time off to build our new home. I also had no idea how difficult it would be to heal, both physically and mentally. Or how much I would need the time to become a mom

– to laugh, to cry, to dance, to sing, to play, to read, to cuddle with my son.

How has it been ten months already? Some days have seemed long, others too short. But overall, it seems like this time with my family and son, Harrison (Harry), has flown by. Yet it feels like it has been an eternity since I have filled my days with all things Benevity. As I soak in every moment over the next week, I am preparing for the unknown. How can I be the best wife, friend, daughter, sister, employee and now mom? If I can’t be everywhere always, how will I know how to balance my priorities? How will I meet my expectations and the expectations of others? How will my aspirations adjust? Will Harrison still reach for me for comfort, or will he look for ‘Dada’ for his safe embrace?

Work has been a pillar of my identity since my pre-teen years — consistently looking to accomplish something great and to do my best. As I signed off at the end of May to kick off my leave, I unknowingly finished a chapter of my life. I knew my priorities would shift, now having an entire human to care for, but I had no idea that who I am at the core would change so much. As I close this chapter, where I got to prioritize being Harry’s mom, I know the memories he and I have together are tattooed on my soul. I can confidently say I am not, nor will ever be, the person I was when I closed my work laptop at the end of May. And I know returning to work, I won’t be the same person I have been for the last ten months.

I know Benevity has also evolved over the months, and my place and purpose will be different. I am excited to see my team reconnect and hear about all they have accomplished.

On Monday, I begin my next adventure and pursuit of my next evolution.

I am eager.

I am nervous.

I am thankful.

I am sad.

But I am ready.

#maternityleave #matleave #DearDiary #parentalleave #returntowork #workingmom