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The "Career Gap" Project

  • jilliannefarley
  • 7 days ago
  • 8 min read

Updated: 6 days ago

Parenting may be many things, but rest assured, it is not a "break," "time off," or "career gap."

By Jill Farley

With inspiration from Kraft singles, Kleenex, and minor toddler meltdowns


As I navigate the job market, I have encountered enough—we will call it "silent feedback"—regarding my resume's missing chunk of time.


When someone asks about my career gap or role changes, I feel defensive. In fact, I no longer state that I took time off to have a baby. Because humour is my defence mechanism, my retort is to say something cheeky, like I had a spawn or I created life. I usually get a chuckle, and we move on.


It’s funny how the quiet smirks and awkward pauses reveal a hidden assumption and, in some more frustrating encounters, a vocalized misunderstanding: that parenting is a break from professional development.



"Project Harrison Farley"

 

After my son Harrison was born, I took nine months away from work—a short amount of time by Canadian standards, but one I recognize as a gift. A lot changed over that time. In my world, a single cell, a zygote, grew into multiple cells and then into a person who now runs around eating far too much dairy, is overly expressive, and sneezes in my eyeballs.

Parental leave allowed me to recover physically, mentally, and emotionally and gave me the time to learn a completely new job.


Have you ever been in a public space and seen a parent and thought, "Gosh, do they even know what they are doing?"

No.

The answer is no.

We do not.

We are fighting for our lives.

You may be asking, then why have kids?

In that moment, in that public place, I promise you, we are asking ourselves the same thing.

"Why, for the love of Pete Davidson, did we do this to ourselves?"


Learning new things takes time, and the early days of learning how to keep a human alive are high-stakes, fast-paced, and long hours. Right when we figure it out, it changes again.


Funny how nearly every tech company is looking for adaptability, resilience, and dedication.


Equally, as a business, the company I worked for changed during that timeframe. Roles, responsibilities, KPIs, OKRs... 9 months in tech can equate to years.


And when you return to work, you don't jump right in. You are treated as if you need to be retaught, revamped, and re-engaged. Those that remained on the corporate ladder get new opportunities or promotions, seemingly having a leg up.


Both worlds keep moving, but we settle on a familiar perspective that parents are in a bubble.



The Parental setback

 

Is there a disadvantage to having children?


The studies show there is a notable setback for mothers in particular. While women in general are underrepresented in senior corporate roles, mothers in those positions are even more rare. (Schaefer, Paula,2024)

And we know that there is a gender pay gap. Women earn roughly 83 cents for every dollar men earn (American Association of University Women (AAUW) (2021)). But when you remove mothers from the equation, women without children experience a 4-5% wage disparity to men (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) (2018)). Meaning women without children earn 95-96 cents for every dollar men earn. A far less stark pay gap.


When comparing mothers to women without children:

I mean, I could go on, but you get the point. There is a clear disservice for creating human life.

 

Shifting to a Growth mindset

 

While some still believe parental leave is a "vacation," that belief is less common than it used to be. We have come a long way in advocating and understanding the challenges of becoming a parent and the pressures of those early months with your little. However, there is more work to be done to create equity.


 
"I noticed a gap on your resume. Can you share some details about why you were on a break for so long?"
 

Is there a better way to ask? Absolutely. Is asking about a missing piece of a story a valid question?

Also, yes.

 

So why is there a gap in my resume? I had a baby. It's not a big deal—or at least it shouldn't be.


... so why am I excluding it?

 


I have done my fair share of hiring; I get it. You see a discrepancy on a candidate profile, and you ask. It is seemingly innocent but it's not the question, it's the sentiment and follow-up (or lack thereof). It's the habitual acceptance of parental leave as a blip in time. And transparently, I am guilty of it too.


I never believed parenting was easy or a vacation. My mom worked when I was young, but when she had my sister, my parents decided that my mom should stay home.


One specific individual may argue that my mother loved her third child the most. However, my brother and I know confidently that it's just because the youngest is the most needy.


I have an immense amount of respect and understanding for people who decide to be full-time parents and value parental leave as a whole. However, until today —or as they say, "I was today years old" —when I realized that parental leave does not represent a gap in applicable experience. Not for a lack of respect for parenting, but based on a lack of connection between the two.


Our resume content isn't isolated to our work experience or employment. We include education, volunteer efforts, technological proficiencies, key competencies, and board experience.


I am the founder of multiple companies, a board director, and a consultant for a successful AI company. I have had a successful career in SaaS.

I put these experiences on my resume as a badge of honour, representing my skills and capabilities.


So why are we cherry-picking what qualifies as a relevant?



Tiny-People Management: The Leadership Bootcamp

 

I’m here to tell you that this “gap” was, in fact, the most intense training ground for resilience, multitasking, empathy, and crisis management you could ever imagine.


This is not to say people without children are not qualified individuals. They are, in many ways and different ways.

There is value in both.

Like attending a different university, or having a different volunteer experience.

You may choose to serve meals at the soup kitchen.

I prefer to wrestle a mini-me into pyjamas seven days a week.

To each their own, right?


Parenting is a crash course in every soft skill we claim to value in business.


I learned how to be calm under pressure

because screaming will not solve a 3 a.m. meltdown (and neither will Googling at 3:01).

I learned how to be still

because sometimes what your child needs most is your full, undivided presence.

I learned how to listen without immediately trying to fix

which, frankly, would improve half the Zoom meetings I’ve ever been in.

I learned how to truly multi-task

not the kind where you respond to emails during a webinar. The real kind. Like reheating your coffee for the fourth time while bouncing a baby, scheduling doctor’s appointments, and mentally drafting your next grocery list.

You think you know multitasking before you have a kid? Trust me—you don’t.


I returned to work with sharper prioritization, a deeper well of empathy, and a stronger instinct for what truly matters in the chaos and a better sense of how to lead—not just manage.

I returned more grounded, more strategic, and more self-aware.


We need to stop pretending that stepping out of a role means stepping away from relevance. Sometimes, it’s the very thing that makes you stronger, more thoughtful, and more capable when you return.


And I am proud of the human I became during my time with my son. I learned more about myself and how to show up as a person.

I did step away from my corporate job, but it didn't stall my growth; I returned a better human and ultimately a better employee.


And I am not alone. Mothers return to work with more resilience, empathy, leadership, communication, patience and critical thinking skills. It's time evolve our thinking from respecting parental leave to valuing the skills it develops.



To caregivers minding the gap

 

If you’re reading this and feeling unsure about how to talk about your time away from work—whether it was parental leave, caregiving, or something else entirely—I want you to know this:


It’s not a gap. It’s growth.

And you don’t have to justify it.

Whether you’re managing sales strategies or nap schedules, every challenge is a lesson in leadership.


So next time someone asks about that “career gap,” tell them with pride. Celebrate the unique skills you’ve gained because in the end, that break wasn’t a setback; it was the ladder rung for a more vibrant, capable, and empathetic leader.



To Corporate Leaders Eyeing the Gap

 
Ask.

By all means, ask if there is time missing on a resume.

But be a leader.

For candidates, take the opportunity to offer a chance to feel safe and heard. Ask what they learned during that time and how they will apply it to the role.

For your employees returning to work after an extended leave, help correct the discourse you hear about "their break" and guide the conversation to a place that brings corporate priorities and personal development closer together. Offer opportunities for them to share or show you how they have grown and recognize them for it -in the same way you would acknowledge success in any other project.


If we continue to keep the two separate, we will continue to see a discrepancy between how people choose to spend their time and the perceived value they can bring.



My Professional Experience Reimagined

 

So here’s the truth: I will no longer skip over "the project" that helped me grow into the leader I am today. I'm happy to elaborate on "project Harrison Farley" in my next interview. I promise to avoid bombarding you with pictures or funny anecdotes, but I will share the impactful development I obtained and how it has equipped me to be more successful in my next opportunity.


If serving soup is worthy of space on our personal "one-pager," then creating, teaching, watering, and feeding a tiny person is equally deserving.

ok, maybe not watering. He isn't a plant. But you catch my drift.


Be a leader, regardless of title.
Save your voice for what matters.
Be humble enough to learn from every moment.
Sally forth and be badass humans.

That's all folks,

- Yesterday Me




The stuff I learned from others (sources)

  1. American Association of University Women (AAUW) (2021).The Simple Truth about the Gender Pay Gap.URL: https://www.aauw.org/resources/research/simple-truth/

  2. Budig, M. J., & England, P. (2001).The Wage Penalty for Motherhood.American Sociological Review, 66(2), 204–225.URL: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/000312240106600203

  3. Correll, S. J., Benard, S., & Paik, I. (2007).Getting a Job: Is There a Motherhood Penalty?American Journal of Sociology, 112(5), 1297–1339.URL: https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/511799

  4. Doren C.(2019). Which Mothers Pay a Higher Price? Education Differences in Motherhood Wage Penalties by Parity and Fertility Timing. Social Sci. 2019;6:684-709. URL: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7182345/

  5. Institute for Women's Policy Research (IWPR) (2012).The Motherhood Wage Penalty: Estimating the Impact of Children on Women’s Earnings.URL: https://iwpr.org/iwpr-issues/employment-earnings/the-motherhood-wage-penalty/

  6. Schaefer, Paula, (2024). The Motherhood Myth, Traditional Firms, and the Underrepresentation of Women. University of Tennessee Legal Studies Research Paper, URL: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4895367

  7. U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) (2018).“Earnings and Employment Characteristics by Parenthood Status” URL: https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf






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